There are plenty of good reasons to start your son in an all-boys elementary school as early as pre-kindergarten. But some parents still worry that, if their sons don’t have regular daily interaction with girls at a young age, they’ll be awkward or disrespectful around them when they’re older.
Is there any truth to this common concern about all boys schools?
No, says Kate Kausch, Director of Lower School Admissions at The Fessenden School. an independent school for boys. In fact, the opposite can be true. Boys that attend an all-boys school like Fessenden—a nurturing school that offers experiences in a broad spectrum of areas— tend to be more confident and respectful with girls—and people in general.
Kate points out that this common concern contrasts markedly with the feedback she’s received from parents whose sons have completed elementary school at Fessenden and gone on to middle or secondary school elsewhere.
“I’ve heard that our boys navigate secondary school coed environments incredibly well,” she says.
Kate attributes this to the self-confidence and independence boys gain in an all-boys school. As we wrote about recently, in a single-gender environment, boys feel more comfortable exploring a wider range of interests. They’re not constricted by “boy things” and “girl things.” They learn to be confident with who they truly are.
“If a boy is able to take risks throughout elementary school and middle school and really stretch himself, understanding fully who he is, he’ll have such an incredible sense of himself and be very well-equipped to manage relationships with anybody—male or female— after he leaves Fessenden,” Kate says.
The principal of an Australian all-boys school once observed that boys in coed schools tend to “demonstrate their emerging masculinity by gross macho over-reaction.” This isn’t a problem in all-boys schools.
“The boys aren’t jockeying and posturing within the classroom to get the attention of the girls.” Kate says. “The boys’ sense that girls are human beings and people to relate to, respect, and interact with is more solidly formed.”
Kate has spent nearly five years gathering feedback from families of boys who have moved on to secondary boarding schools. What these families almost always say about their sons is, “He’s totally big on the girls but he’s not posturing.”
“These boys are not contorting themselves to be something other than who they are,” Kate says. “They’re very comfortable in their own skin. I think that’s Fessenden. I feel like this place gives all the boys a great sense of knowing themselves.”
Choosing an elementary school is about more than academics. It is about helping your son develop confidence, self awareness, and respect for others. At The Fessenden School, boys learn to be themselves in a supportive all boys environment that prepares them to build healthy relationships in any setting.
Learn more about Fessenden’s middle school program for boys by scheduling a campus visit or exploring our admissions resources.
